Fear and a beautiful bird

I was in the house the other day, doing some work on my computer when I saw this beautiful bird ( something resembling a little tucán ) flying into the house, this has happened at other times, so I didn’t worry much, eventually, they find their way out. 

What I did was open all the doors on the entire floor and also placed some fruit resembling a crumb trail to the doors so the bird could see, smell, or eat it, and that way it would find its way to freedom. The ceiling in the house is pretty high up, so my concern was that the bird was flying very high and the doors are a little below the altitude the animal was flying, and that’s why I thought the fruit would help.

After a while, the bird was very frightened and was making erratic moves. Obviously, my little friend was not understanding what was happening, why those windows that seem to be open spaces weren’t, and why couldn’t he get out back into nature, I bet he could see the trees but he just wouldn’t understand that there was a window between him and freedom.

From my point of view, it was crystal clear, I could see all of the options the bird had to go out again into nature, it was right there, it was so easy. The key was to fly just slightly lower in the right direction towards the open doors.

Time passed and nothing happened, the bird just couldn’t get out, I could feel he was tired, anxious, and couldn’t care less about the fruit I had placed for him, so

I started talking to him, I said, look, my friend, here are the doors, wide open for you, if you stop and feel the breeze, you will feel your way to freedom, to nature. Stop and feel the breeze, stop and feel the breeze I kept saying, but nothing. 

The truth is, I was scared too, I have always been afraid of the texture of feathers and although I think birds are wonderful, incredible creatures that sing to me every morning when I wake up, still, I was afraid and in this case, the big beak that this particular bird had, frightened me. I tried to pick it up with a towel and moved it out in a moment that he was low enough for me to reach, but my fear stopped me, and I just thought he would eventually find the door. 

More than an hour had passed and with that hour more than a few attempts from the little guy to get out with no success, but I was confident that he was about to find its way out any minute now.

 As I was seating in a chair at the dining table working, I watched how this gorgeous animal made one last effort and flew off from one end of the room directly into a window all the way across the other side of the room with all of his force and strength. It all happened so fast, I just screamed in terror, the terrible sound from the hit the bird got in the window was loud and just like that he fell to the floor. I quickly started running towards him with some water, saying: No, no,no! Come on buddy! You can still make it! But It was too late, I watched how this amazing little animal took his last two breaths, slowly closed his beautiful eyes, and died, right there in the dining room, with only me as the witness of his struggle, of his life, and his death. As I write this, tears roll down my face again, the shock and disappointment at myself is very real. What a waste, this precious bird just died right there, out of fear, out of despair. I cried and cried, I cry still.

I can’t help but think of all the moments in our lives where we feel trapped, with no way out, filled with fear and we just can’t see clearly, we can’t see the answers that are in front of us, we can’t feel the breeze that is calling us to freedom. Is in our own despair that we are left blinded, not only from our senses but from our intuition, that little voice that guides us, that leaves us a little crumb road to freedom, that gives us guidance, so we can fly those couple of inches lower, so we can find the way out, without resistance or effort. 

How many times we have let parts of ourselves die because fear takes over us and we hit ourselves so hard with a wall that we give up, broken in hurt?

It’s in the stillness and silence where we find the answer, our truth, our freedom.

That day, I picked up the bird and I gave him a proper burial, a place in the garden with flowers, and honor his life surrounded by nature, his home. He deserved that much. I ask for forgiveness and understanding since it was my own fear that also stopped me from helping him, I might have been able to save his life, but I will never know. I am so sorry that this beautiful bird lost his life and that this story doesn’t have a happy ending, but at the same time, I feel honored that this animal was able to teach me a lesson, that I was able to observe and learn from all of this. 

I can only hope, that the next time that I feel afraid, and paralyzed by fear, the bird spirit reminds me that the answer is right there, close by, almost in front of me, just a few inches up or down, wide open, that there are others that want to help too, and that I just need to stay still and be able to feel that breeze that is calling me home.