The Day You Start Believing in Yourself

We've all struggled with the feeling of not being enough.

In my case, sometimes it's the feeling that my pieces aren't good enough. For who, I don't know. But the feeling isn't great, and somehow I end up making myself smaller because of it. I don't really understand why.

But today, today was different.

Today, I was able to appreciate my work. Myself. What I do.

Months ago, I finished a mirror. A big one. Enormous, actually. And when I was done, I covered it and tucked it away in a corner of my house, somewhere it wouldn't take up too much space. I don't even think I took pictures of it. I barely looked at it.

I'm not sure why. That's just how it went.

For the past few days, though, I'd been thinking that I could actually place it.

Because really, a piece like that deserves to be somewhere it can be seen, not hidden away in a corner collecting dust.

Today, my good friend, Alder, came by to look at some work we needed to do, and I asked if he could help me set up the mirror. Alder is one of the most wonderful souls on this planet. Kind. Patient. Just a genuinely good person. Of course, he said yes.

And somehow, we had it up in no time. Maybe 15 minutes, max.

My pieces are usually big, and placing them can be a whole production. It normally takes forever.

But today, it was easy.

And honestly, I don't know why it took me so long to put it up, because it looks so freaking gorgeous.

Like, really.

I stood there and was genuinely impressed with myself.

And what an incredible feeling that is, to feel good about yourself. To recognize that you have a gift. That you have a purpose.

My purpose is to create.

I create spaces that transfer in feelings of peace, warmth, and belonging.

And it's not always with a piece made with my own hands. Sometimes it's a room that needs decoration. A house that needs to be loved again. An event that needs a soul. A place that was forgotten and needed someone to remember.

That's where I come in.

I have this ability to see what isn't physically there yet. I can see beyond what exists. I can imagine what a space or a piece could become, and then translate that image on my mind into something tangible.

Comfort.

Familiarity.

Warmth.

That feeling people are searching for, the feeling of being safe.

Yes. Safe.

Safe to be.
Safe to have fun.
Safe to experience.
Safe to simply exist.

What a gift, to realize that I have the ability to create that.

To realize that beyond all the doubts, beyond all the stories my mind tells me, there is something real here.

My mind is extremely creative. It's one of my greatest gifts.

Unfortunately, it can also create in the opposite direction. I can build the most elaborate, dramatic, negative scenarios in my head. I can convince myself of things that haven't even happened. And over time, that has taken a toll on my confidence, on trusting my abilities, trusting my vision, and allowing myself to feel good about what I do.

But today…

Oh, today, something clicked.

And I felt proud.

Really, really proud.

Proud of what I'm able to create. Proud of the way I see the world. Proud of this unique and beautiful ability to imagine something that doesn't exist yet and bring it into reality.

For a moment, I saw myself clearly.

Not through doubt.
Not through fear.
Not through the voice telling me I'm not enough.

I saw myself as this unique being with something real to offer.

Tomorrow might be a different story. My mind might try to play tricks on me again. It might try to make me doubt myself.

But today, I know.

Today, I know I have an incredible talent.

And for that, I am so grateful.

So happy.

So eager to share.

I want to be seen.

I want to connect with people who appreciate what I do, and who can feel all the energy I put on every thing that I do.

Honestly even writing this is a huge step on my healing ladder.

To acknowledge myself.

To celebrate myself.

To say, without shame:

I am good at this.

I just want to dance. I want to celebrate. I want to keep creating and sharing my pieces, my talents, my gifts with the world.

For the longest time, I've asked myself, over and over:

What did I come here to do?
What do I have to share?
What am I good at?

And sometimes those questions turn into doubt.

Into fear.

Fear that I'll never get where I want to go. Fear that I'm not enough. Fear that maybe I'm imagining a life that isn't meant for me.

But the truth is, I don't want to live in fear anymore.

Today, I choose joy.

Today, I choose love.

I choose to keep creating my reality.
I choose to keep imagining.
I choose to trust what I see.
I choose to trust what I feel.
I choose to trust myself.

I am not late, I am right on time

And I will not make myself smaller anymore.

I will take up space.

I will show myself more.

I will allow myself to be seen.

Just like my mirror, I deserve a beautiful space in this world.

A space where I can exist fully.
A space where I can be seen.
A space where I can reflect back the beauty that was there all along.

I AM A CREATOR

In my work.
In my spaces.
In my art.
In my life.

I AM A CREATOR (please, dear mind, always remember that)